What Women Want – What Men Have

Women are taught to compete with one another. We are brought up comparing ourselves to each other. We are set up from birth to compete for the attention of males. We are socialized to judge ourselves fiercely and judge other women against ourselves. We develop disordered eating and self-esteem problems and this can lead to a lifetime of self-sabotage. Judging ourselves and other women becomes a daily practice.

This can breed suspicion and fear. This can cut us off from trusting women who are worthy of our trust and can help us reach our goals. This can prevent us from forming deeply important relationships with other women. This can prevent us from reaching our goals, (or even worse, discovering our goals!).

We are highly emotional creatures and are socialized to express these emotions. This should be seen as a positive attribute but it is more often seen as a histrionic judgment … mostly self-inflicted.

Men are more equipped to work together without emotions mucking up their progress. Yes, this is a generalization, but it’s true.

How many times have you met another couple, the two men like each other and the two women like each other … But somehow the women end up suspicious of one another and sabotage what could have (and should have) been a great foursome? (Not in THAT way – unless all four are into it and then go for it!)

How many times are the two men left dumbfounded due to the misunderstanding between the two women? How many times do we sabotage our bond based on erroneous assumptions and suspicion? How many times do we allow our conditioning to complete with one another get in the way of our initial instincts to love one another?


Women can learn a lot from a man with regard to competition. Men compete and let it go. They play a game, beat the crap out out of each other and then go have a beer together. Women compete and hold on to emotional bullshit.

Let it go and move on. If you find yourself suspicious of another woman and making false accusations, talking shit about her to your man or your mutual friends … STOP IT.

Either we work together, or we implode. It is your choice. It really is.

7 comments on “What Women Want – What Men Have

  1. WOW Wow Wow !!! Another ‘factual’ and Amazing article Laura ! Looking forward to reading and absorbing what you got next!

  2. Great article! I (male) am now retired, but worked in a field heavily staffed by women. I was often shocked at how women openly “go after” other women. In fact, women co-workers have told me that they would much rather work with men than other women! I have also wondered if this from socialization – women socialized to fight verbally while men fight physically. When men get into verbal conflicts, it can quickly escalate into a physical conflict. I think this might be a factor in domestic violence with women fighting verbally (as they were taught) and men fighting physically (just as they were taught).

    • Absolutely. I also think that women hold on to the grudge in a different way than men. Men clearly let another man know to stay away from them. Women gossip about the other woman behind her back.

      Women want others to take their side while men do not care if they have back up so much. They will just smack the guy if he says anything. I have also found that men can let go of conflict faster than women.

      As for domestic violence, I agree. Although most men know it is never okay to hit a woman, when they are in private and the woman is verbally expressing herself, the man can lose his cool. This in no way excuses the behavior. It is merely a reason for it happening.

      If they do not get help, as a couple, this can turn into a regular way of handling conflict, the woman becomes a victim of ‘learned helplessness’ and finds herself stuck in the home.

      Men use violence with women most often if they have been modeled this behavior by their fathers. It is a pattern passed down from generation to generation.

      The trick is to break the pattern before you hand it down to your sons.

      This does not mean to infer that women do not use physical force to get their way sometimes. Plenty of women hit their children. This behavior is unacceptable if it is more than a spanking when the child has behaved badly.

      The ‘no hitting ever under any circumstances’ is an extreme we have taken in order to curtail violence in the home. But a good smack on the butt can be very effective – as long as it is not too painful and is one smack, not a beating. It is certainly more effective that taking a privilege away, like TV viewing or video games. They just go over a friends house to play games and watch TV.

      Thank you for your perspective. As women, we really need to learn to work together rather than compete. We can change the world if we work together. Otherwise, we implode and never come together to make positive changes.

      It is the rare relationship between women that is a successful partnership. We must change this and let go of this competition and cattiness … And fear.

  3. I love this essay and agree with most of it. In the hypothetical foursome, I would imagine that if the 2 women were feminists, they could have a good relationship, but if they are Stepfords, then yes, you are not going to have much of a friendship.

    I disagree about smacking kids. Even once. A large person like a parent is the victor every time against a small person. The power imbalance here creates an awful dynamic. The child could be really traumatized by physical violence from a parent. I don’t see how hitting a kid engenders understanding and closeness in a relationship at all.

    • Thank you for commenting! I had to re read this post cause it was so long ago that I wrote it. I don’t see where there is anything about smacking a kid, maybe I missed it. This one is about competition between women, based on socialization and fear. We need to stick together. Thanks again for commenting. If I wrote anything to offend you, I am so sorry.

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