Placing blame is counterproductive. I have three younger brothers. When we were kids, we did what all kids do … point the finger at the other guy when the shit hit the fan. Kids do this in order to avoid getting in trouble, and to look better than their sibling in the eyes of their parents.
My father used to say, “It’s Adam and Eve’s fault. Now find a solution and get on with it. Get along or separate, I don’t care, but leave me out of it.” Damn it.
He was absolutely right of course. The Adam and Eve argument shut us up and put the blame squarely on both (or all) of us. We were more likely to work out a solution, even if it was to get away from one another.
Recently, it has been revealed that the US government has been spying on us (if this is a surprise to you, you really need to read Mother Jones). They are now saying, “We wouldn’t need to bug your telephone and spy on you if it wasn’t for the terrorists…” In other words, it’s the terrorists with their weapons of mass destruction that make us invade your privacy. Bullshit.
Similarly, this is like the man who beats his wife. He will say, “Now see what you made me do.” It becomes her fault when he beats the shit out of her. She has learned helplessness and sees no way out. If she only behaves herself, he will not hit her. More Bullshit.
Blame is a complete waste of time. We all know that you can change only one person – yourself. When you fuck up, you should recognize your fuck up, apologize, promise better future behavior and get on with it. There is no use in then pointing out where the other person/persons are to blame.
As adults, we should demand better behavior of ourselves and others. Demanding better treatment from another person is not the same as blaming them for the problems in your life. It is taking your power and using it for a better life.
You are not a kid anymore. If you must blame, blame Adam and Eve and get on with it.
Stay clear of those who cannot manage to grow the fuck up and place any blame on you for their shitty behavior.