The Truth About Al-Anon

Stepper: “Well AA might be bad, but Al Anon is not AA.”
Enlightened One: “No, you’re right, Al Anon is even worse.”

Al Anon is a place for the family member (or anyone who ‘qualifies’) to go and find their ‘part’ in the other persons behavior. Excuse the fuck out of me? He was an asshole drunk and now somehow I bear responsibility for this!? My life is unmanageable because of his behavior and I must pray for knowledge of gods will for me?

Al Anon is a place to go to find bogus reasons to stay with an abusive shit head who is feigning powerlessness and claiming to have a disease.

Al Anon is a place to go to turn your will over to god, rather than tell the abusive shithead in your life to pack his shit.

Al Anon is a place to go to help yourself understand why this shithead did all the things he did, so that you can have peace and quiet as he trots off to 3 skull-fuck meetings a day, while you do all the work to support him…as he 13steps all the women in his ‘home group.’

Al Anon is a place to go to help you have peace of mind while he is throwing shit all over the house in a drunken rage because he can’t find his keys…which are in his hand. Oh, and his DUI is somehow something you could have prevented. Shut the front door!

Al Anon is a place where you too can work the 12 steps so that you too can give your hard earned money to AA and you too can leave your brain at the door. The cult that never gives up taking.

Al Anon is a place where you can be restored to sanity…when you are completely fucking sane, or you were before you started buying all this shit.

Al Anon is a place you can go where you can confess all your contrived wrongdoings to a stranger who is going to tell everyone exactly how fucked up your life is…to make themselves feel better about their fucked up life. (Nice anonymity).

Al Anon is a place you can go to not have to view your ‘qualifiers’ constant attempts to sleep with other women.  Can’t cock block the cock sucker.

And finally, Al Anon is a place where you too can mind-fuck some vulnerable person into staying in a relationship in which they should be protecting themselves from.

Phew, that was fun and cathartic. I would no more set foot in an Al Anon meeting than I would stay one second in an abusive relationship.

Thank you for letting me share.

35 comments on “The Truth About Al-Anon

  1. WOW ! Awesome work Laura!

  2. I went to alanon for my own recovery,It really helped for awhile,,(sincerely)Something changed though,suddenly I was a magnet for addict women there in denial about there being addicts and were convinced they were not the problem.Many of these woman were looked up to,in the alanon political ring,,yes its there,,even though they try to lie about that just like an addict lies about there drugs.These woman are addicted to power,in a place where its the only place they’ll get their fix amongst unsuspecting victims seeking real help for real life problems.They hide their drugs,there greed for power,,there need to suck everything out of people until there’s nothing left to suck except a new guys dick,

    • Unfortunately this is a very common story. At first you feel helped and then they turn on you. Problem is, this is by design. It’s built into the system. You either become as abuser or you suffer abuse. It’s truly a sick and dangerous cult religion.

      Thanks so much for your comments.

  3. I started in the late 80’s early 90’s and met some very helpful people at a very small town meeting(Al-Anon). AA functions were announced at this meeting, and I went to an AA dance. I ended up being the target of a guy who claimed to be 10 years sober. He started talking marriage the first night we met. I was young, and TBH the rhetoric of “not judging others” and being “powerless” made me more vulnerable. Every time I thought the relationship was wrong for me, I told myself I was “judging” him. He ended up being an abuser who I basically had to “escape” from. He had mental illness that I was never told about and I was afraid he would kill me. After that debacle, I continued with Al-anon, because there were one or two nice people there. Once I moved to a larger city, I went to one meeting where a bunch of men announced that there had been a “group conscience” and that a woman at the meeting was no longer welcome there. She had just shared her story, and she seemed normal to me. They told her she talked about her father too much. She left in tears. To this day I wish I had left with her/stood up to them. After that, I had serious doubts. I went to another meeting and after everyone had shared very personal stories, including one woman who said her kid stole her checkbook. I was rudely interrupted and chastised for sharing a “too personal” story. The chair woman screamed at me to get a sponser as my story was too personal. At that point, I had been in for ten years. I was sharing insecurities about my boyfriend, and that he was separated from his wife. I felt attacked and judged by this woman. The facts were that his wife was mentally ill, and there were legal reasons he was not divorced. She was hospitalized at the time. I left that part out because I did not want to gossip about her So, I feel that the woman was just freaking out that I could possibly be a “home wrecker”. I was shocked and saddened by this public shaming, as I was taking care of this guy’s kids while he drank day in and day out, depressed about his wife. I recently went back, and Al-Anon is not for me. I went to a meeting where a big bully was attacking everyone for “cross-talking”. She yelled with such vigor I thought she would jump across the table and attack an 80+woman! Another woman at the meeting took all the money from the basket for change, even though I told her I needed the money for change to buy a book. It was nasty. When I spoke to others after the meeting, one woman told me she was going to have a group conscience. I did research and told her about an article I had found re: cross talking. She ended up finding that same article, and bringing it to the meeting before I could, essentially stealing my work. I had been planning to share it at the vote meeting. She also asked me to attend the group conscience, which I was more than happy to do. She then tells me later that she may not be there. I said, “You wanted the group conscience and now you are not going?” How crazy is that? She also told me over and over again that we needed to be “loving” and she was worried about me being a “brat” to the person who was attacking everyone. At yet another meeting, a man was coming to a woman’s meeting. There was one person who seemed to be “in charge” AKA: another control freak. The man started to attack her, stating non -conference approved literature was rumored to have been there. I defended her, then after the meeting told her that a group conscience could be used to vote him out. (Because he was disruptive, not because he was a man.)She defended the guy and said, no, it could not be done. So this guy is coming to the woman’s meeting every week. Nice people can be banished, but not disruptive bullies? I really believe it is a bunch of sick people going in circles. BTW I am happily married and my life is great now, I was only looking for friends. At my last meeting the women were going on and on about their loser children and one had pawned hers off on the state. She was very proud of herself that she could wash her hands of him. After I spoke I was told to “keep coming back”. Everyone parroting about “at least 3 meetings a week” No matter how many years I racked up, I was always told this.

    • Wow. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment Stacy. In spite of all this sickness, you managed to find a balanced life for yourself. A great accomplishment with all the dysfunction modeled for you! Be proud! Sounds like your personal research into the 12 step cult religion to find friends was full of chaos and abuse. Cannot say I am a bit surprised.

      It’s a dangerous myth that “mentally ill” people are abusive predators. The vast majority of people with a mental health disorder are working too hard on themselves to abuse other people. The vast majority of people with legitimate mental illness are just trying to get through the day without breaking down to use their disorder as an excuse for abhorrent behavior. The vast majority of people with an emotional disorder are too sensitive and vulnerable to make it their life’s work to victimize others. Most of these people do not have the need to billboard their mental issues since they value their privacy. The vast majority of these people are so full of shame and guilt for their past behavior, they isolate themselves from groups. Not steppers! They wear their supposed mental illness like junkie pride.

      Far too often, people give others who claim to be mentally ill a pass for shitty behavioral choices. Most of those who claim to be mentally ill or that their spouse is mentally ill are predators and abusers. Stay away. Stay far away.

      Your stories are far too common in the 12 step cult religion. You’re a decent person and an abusive stepper will find a way to steal from, lie to and about, and cheat you, in order to avoid taking responsibility for their failed lives. This is no place for you or any other decant human being who has a chance to actualize a “happy, joyous, and free” life. You cannot be genuinely human and stand in your power in a group where all they do is disempower people to justify their “mental illness.”

      Thanks again for taking the time to comment. Please share everywhere.

  4. No, thank YOU!

  5. To be psychologically healthy, we have to believe that what we do has some effect on what happens to us. Even if the perception of control is delusional, it usually leads to more productive action than believing that what we do makes no difference.
    Albert J. Bernstein, Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry
    From Orange-Papers.info

  6. I lost two relationships because of Al-Anon. The first is my exgf. She said when i met her that her ex husband was a drug addict. She encouraged me to go to a meeting with her and never felt pulled to do so. However, after she got off her anti-depressants she started to become like the person she described her ex to be. She was very critical of me etc. I had lost a job but was actively looking. We did not live together and I did not ask her for money (she says her ex still does) etc. She broke up with me during this period and looking back I believe that she probably told her Al-anon buddies about me because later she said that someone told her that I she was attracting men just like her ex. We kept running into each other at mutual friends get togethers and one time she invited me to go for a walk around one of the lakes in our town. When i got there she announced that one of her girlfriends was coming too. Anyway, at the end of the walk she invited us both to the meeting that night. I showed up and she did not. So i went into the meeting to hear what they had to say. I felt like it was a very depressing environment. People weren’t talking about how they are healing or getting better. It was more about dealing with the person that they can’t control. Part of me understands that but I did feel like some of the people could be convinced to consider themselves co-dependent and therefore form attachment disorders.

    Anyway, my ex then claimed that i was stalking her because i went to “her ” meeting and she wasn’t there.

    Later that summer she had a health concern (life threatening) and i was there for her. Despite this she pushed me away and kept repeating the story- I just don’t want to be in a committed relationship. I need to find out who i am outside of relationship. I believe the danger with Al-anon is that someone can tell their victim story and instead of anybody questioning it they re-enforce that you need to be non-codependent. She took this message literal to mean that i can’t be with anybody anymore!! So now she is afraid to be in committed relationships. However, nobody is teaching her what a healthy partner looks like because they focus on dysfunction all the time. Nobody said, “gosh he was there for you when you almost died. That doesn’t sound like a bad trait or a bad character flaw.” Maybe she felt she was too co-dependent because somebody actually loved her and wanted to be with her?

    Lastly, my friend of over ten years called me out of the blue to tell me that she could no longer talk to me about my female relationships because when she met me she was attracted to me. I was confused. What did this have to do with anything? I had told her in the beginning that i was not into her like that and felt she was more of a sister to me. She continued with our friendship and told or shared about all of her relationships over the years. However, now that she is in Al-anon, she needs to set boundaries for me!! She is treating me like an ex boyfriend and we never went out and were not intimate.
    I confronted her on this and how she has changed since she has been going to Al-anon. She further demonized me and said, ” i’m willing to touch base with you every once in awhile in a planned timeframe but that is as far as i can go.” This is friendship? this is the third person i have experienced a lack of empathy from now with Al-anon. It’s like they condition the empathy right out of a person because they had one bad experience (ie my exgf’s exhusband who did drugs). BTW, her son said before she broke up with me that her mom had zero empathy and that she runs around town telling everyone what an addict his dad is when he only used drugs for a period when he was under stress and hasn’t since. Her Al-non has become a way for her to play the “victim” role and use to manipulate her way out of uncomfortable situations. Now she never has to worry about getting close to anyone but her behavior is a different story.

    The last week i was with her she told me before i came back from my business trip that she was excited to see me but then called an ex boyfriend up and invited him to her house when her kids were not around. I found out later after we had sex together and then the next day she tells me she wants to see other guys because she can’t be in a committed relationship with anybody.

    Thanks Al-anon. You really teach them how to be in a healthy relationship!!!

    • You understand how alanon really works in a deeply personal way. They get to play victim for life and anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path quickly becomes their “qualifier.” I am so sorry you’ve gone through all this. You sound like a man just looking for a healthy companion. You deserve far better than all this.

      If Steppers they were honest, they would come with a warning. “Do not date. I will make your life a living hell just to keep playing the role of victim. I was always crazy but now the steps of (insert 12 step program here) have given me a life long excuse to be an abusive, dysfunctional, gossip-liar for all eternity. Get to know at your own risk!”

      To tell someone directly, or even worse indirectly that they are just like your “drug addict” ex, is the ultimate in abusive control tactics. She invites you to a meeting, doesn’t show and then claims that you are stalking her at “her” meeting?! Stay far away from her. No matter what she claims, no matter if she dangles sex in front of you, no matter what … stay away from her. She is using you (and she’ll find someone else the second you stop trying to relate with her) to appear as the victim to her alanon “fellows.” These people are sick before they ever go into the 12 step cult religion… they are completely out of their minds once they “get what we have” in the cult.

      You helped safe her life and all you got in return was nothing but heartache. Move on and know that if her exhusband could talk to you, he would reinforce that both of you are far better off without her. In fact, with her as a wife, it’s no wonder why he found help with drugs!

      Let her figure it out, if she ever will, it’s certainly not your responsibility. These are people who never grew up and never want to grow up. Any therapist worth their practice would help her find out where her behaviors had contributed to her unhappiness and help her to move on. Alanon will only allow members to be forever victims and abusers stuck in a revolving door of (as you so insightfully say) attachment disorders.

      As for the supposed friend, she’s blaming you for her attraction to you and for your non-attraction to her. That is pure manipulation in an attempt to get you to into a more intimate relationship by pretending you were or are more intimate in the past. That’s so sick. These women are manipulative and cruel. Again, you’re better off without “friends” like these. However, this is a loss after 10 years so it’s important to honor the loss. Have your feelings, cut her off and move on but have your feelings about losing a friend.

      Thank you so much for trusting this forum with your truth. If you ever meet anyone who is a member of alanon (or any 12 step cult offshoot) now you know to run. Run away and never look back. You deserve far better than this from anyone fortunate enough to be in your life.

      You’ll be far more likely to find a worthy companion when you stay away from steppers.

    • I am so glad that I am not alone in these feelings. While my mother is the one that goes to alanon even though I am almost 4 yrs sober
      She feels guilty for so many things she has done to me and just tells lies and awful stories about me that are not true and her group believes every word she says and has some unhealthy relationship in where they can all play the victim even though in all reality, even though I struggled with a serious opiate addiction she is the one that is still stealing money from me and yes they are brainwashed!

  7. I can’t even begin to say how much I love this article! 👍 Self righteous bible thumpers!

  8. I don’t have your experience, i.e., I grew up with an alcoholic parent and haven’t had a relationship with an alcoholic as an adult. And I have to include the caveat that I’ve only recently attended a few meetings, and I’m just now trying to figure out whether Al-Anon holds anything useful for me.

    At this point I think Al-Anon might be beneficial for me, but I’m not sure yet. I enjoyed the camaraderie in a couple of the meetings I’ve attended, but I too am having some issues with parts of it.

    For one thing I’m an atheist and the meetings closest to home seem to be full of the devoutly religious. So not only is the Al-Anon “literature” full of suggestions to “pray to Him”, believe that my problems “are in His hands” and “Let go and let God”, but the meeting members are using similar language and closing their meetings with the Lord’s Prayer. I find it irritating that if I want to get anything out of these sorts of words I have to do contortions in my mind to cast them differently, since I don’t believe in a sky Father. And I find it inappropriate to recite the Lord’s Prayer–distinctly Christian–in what is supposed to be a non-denominational gathering.

    And I have to admit that all the testimonials about how great Al-Anon is–in both the written material and in person–make me skeptical. Shut up about it, already…

    • Right! If it’s so great, let it be so great without all the insistence. They’re just chanting chants “qualifying” for a “family disease.”

      What you describe as mental contortions is spot on. Why would a member of a supposedly secular group have to do this to fit in? If you then express this irritation, they will blame you and tell you that it’s “spiritual not religious” and you can make your “higher power” anything you want… like a doorknob. What kind of mental gymnastics is this?!

      Although, this piece is satirical, it’s true that al-anon makes members excuse the “diseased” alcoholic/addict in your life, to accept your “powerlessness” and to give your life to a “higher power.” Since addiction is not a disease, to make matters worse by making the entire family “diseased” with this al-anon nonsense is truly despicable cult behavior.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to so eloquently express your concerns Nancy. Be very careful with these people, they are deeply unwell. They’ve chanted the chants for so long, they’ve come to believe them and if you disagree, they will hunt you down and destroy you rather than admit they’ve been severely brainwashed. Cult religions are like that.

      You do not have to “qualify” for anything and as a person who doesn’t believe in some fable about the sky fisher, you know better than to give your life to this BillShit. Keep your power and live your life. They will gossip about you but deep down they are insecure, deeply brainwashed cult disciples who have given up on improving their lives. You know better and you obviously deserve better.

  9. I completely understand going to alanon if you are the victim of an abusive alcoholic husband. No, you are not to blame and you ARE the victim. What I am struggling with, is that my mother who abandoned me when I was 17 goes to alanon meetings often and I am her ‘qualifier’. I have been sober for over three years from opiates… a nasty habit that started with medication my mother made me take and doctors my mother made me see. She was very controlling and even though I was the perfect daughter, student, athlete, it was never good enough. When I was in second grade she made me go to two middle schools, one of them being a college preparatory school. Yes, an eight year old preparing for college. I need to explain. I am an only adopted child whose parents split when I was three. My father worked ALOT to keep my mother in the lifestyle she had been accustomed to because of him. Because of this, and her making it nearly impossible for him to see me and then telling me that he wasn’t around because he didn’t love me my mother raised me primarily. Although she forced me to go to catholic school where one of the teachers continuously made inappropriate advances on me and the teachers, students and homework was awful she told me that if I ever got pregnant, she would drag me to the abortion clinic. According to what I was taught, that is not how Catholics act or what they believe in. My mother told me that I would be going to college whether I liked it or not and I am very smart and have always done well in school (thank God or she may have killed me). I have been sober for over three years and I am trying to have a relationship with her even though she is living off of my trust fund and most people would have sued her by now considering I am 30 and I was supposed to get it when I was 18. It was the only thing my father could secure for me in the divorce and my mother is a lawyer, a district attorney at that so she got everything. I could easily access it any day but I don’t mind suffering, working three jobs just to barely afford rent and food while she relaxes in a FOUR story house that she would set on fire before she even let me stay there one night. Because of my poor choices and opiate addiction I have had to start completely over and was homeless for a while but these are things I would never tell my mother. My point is that I have every reason to hate her, but she is older and while she is not my biological mother, she raised me until I was 17 and.she kicked me out of the house because i was too ‘difficult’. My problems with addiction followed shortly after being abandoned by the only family that was actually aware of. I am having a problem maintaining a relationship with her and it is hindering my recovery when she goes to meetings three times a week and embellishes on times I got drunk with my friends in high school. She was not around for my active addiction and she has been retired for years and just wants someone to feel sorry for her. The problem with that is that we live in a small town, and while the meetings are supposed to be confidential her stories always seem to make their way back to me and worse, I get to read them on Facebook. The fact that they arent true is not even the worst part. I get harassed by women in her group and I have been assaulted by one of them and they took ME to jail. That is when my father decided enough is enough and banned her from his very small property. I have been sober for over three years and I am doing so well all on my own but I can’t continue to placate someone that is so controlling she still dresses me when we go out, speaks for me and over me and still sees herself as the victim.

    • No one should be attending 12 step cult religion meetings for any reason other than to play the victim and stay stuck in their shit avoiding any responsibility for their lives. Your step mom sounds like the perfect candidate for this cult. You do not have to suffer her abuse nor do you have to put up with her lies. Cut her off and live your life!

  10. At this point I’m fairly sure that Al-Anon was designed to continue to provide support system for folks in AA. I attended Al-Anon for a couple years, recruited by a now ex who had observe my behavior and decided it was troubling (she’d been in Al-anon for years…that’s a great indicator of healthy not-at-all controlling behavior huh?) It was helpful for a while. Some of the codependent ways of thinking I had legit struggled with and they do seem more clear now. My experience is little different though; I didn’t notice a decrease in empathy but a continuation of the enabling hidden behind program jargon.

    All of these wive’s with children and husbands in AA were shouldering all of the household responsibilities. The AA member attended as many meetings as they needed a week as well as whatever exercise, relaxation and social regime they deemed necessary for the recovery while the Al-Anon person did all the housework, manage the children, made all the meals, dealt with all of the bureaucracy and continue to work a full-time job. Being able to make one meeting a week was actually considered their self care time. It seemed to be that, whether the drunk was drinking or not they still went out and lived life while the Al-Anon half of a couple continue with all the adulting. When my job changed I couldn’t even find a meeting that I could attend because they are literally only available after the schoolbus leaves, during lunch hour, or after dinner is served and the kids are tucked into bed. I live in a large metropolitan area, if that’s not system-wide codependency I don’t know what is.

    Also, one of the first things an alcoholic might hear in a meeting is “if you don’t drink you won’t get drunk”. No one ever told anyone in Al-Anon “if you kick the drunk out you wouldn’t be living with a drunk”. That seems pretty basic to me if a program were actually designed to help those living with alcoholics. But, no, it was created by the steadfast wives of the sainted creators of AA in order to help them cope with the fact that their lives were always going to be miserable while their husbands went off and shirked all responsibility: thinking about alcohol instead of drinking it.

    • It’s all a big clusterfuck of forced conformity, mixed with mind-numbing excuses for enabling the misogynistic men in life, all baked up high in a big harmful self-fulling prophesy! A shit pie for the entire culture to keep a dangerous cult religion alive fed thru the $35 billion “rehab” industry. It’s grotesque.

      The men are getting away with murdering their families while they sexually harass all the “newcomers” in their “rooms.” Again, grotesque.

      The Ultimate Cult

  11. I totally agree!! After dealing with all the bullshit over 5 years, my husband is finally wanting to be sober. I went to a AA meeting with him and everyone said “go to al anon”. Well after i read up on them…WTF!!! Im supposed to rejoice that my husband is no longer a shithead and im to just “let go” of my anger and resentment. They say it could make him relapse. Fuck this!! I want a group where we can bitch together and break, destroy and blow shit up!! I just cant be fucked over twice. Al anon is stuck in the 50’s…stand by your man crap!! All us women need a new group where we can release all the anger and pain, we’ve suffered.

    • You do no to need a group or program at all! What you need is to be open and upfront with your husband about how you feel. It sounds like he is open to listening to you and understanding where you’re coming from but get to him before these brainwashed steppers destroy your marriage! These people would rather see your life destroyed than admit they’re in a dangerous cult religion. Your husband doesn’t need AA any more than he needs Scientology. Good luck!

    • Yaaaas! Any program ACTUALLY for you would address your needs and not use jargon to reinforce the false idea that you are responsible for his. That’s what i can’t stand, it’s STILL all about them and keeping us in their cycle.

      • Yesssssss. Lois Wilson was treated like garbage her entire life with Bill, and in those days, women had far less autonomy to get a divorce.

        Bill designed his cult for men like him. Poor Lois was married to this abusive conman for over 53 years. He is the author of the sexist and gaslighting section in his cult bible called “To Wives”

        Wilson’s handling of his ongoing adultery is his impersonation of a woman’s point of view in the chapter he would not permit Lois to write… all the while leading people to believe she did write it. That’s why she started alanon. If you can’t beat ‘me, join ’em. She most definitely had stockholm syndrome – victims become just like their captors in order to survive. He was a fraud, a cheat, and was (and still is) worshipped by those who did not know him at all.

        Disciples of the 12 step cult religion absolutely must become “one of us” to survive.

  12. Truthful commentary on the BS that is al-anon… I went to a few al-anon meetings and was disturbed by all the alcoholics there. Those of us who were putting up with the bad drinking behavior of a family member and some of us fearing that we might lose everything because of it, had to sit with hands folded while the alcoholics in the meeting spoke in meaningless buzzphrases about how they felt they were “in a good place right now.” This, while sharing what we, the innocent parties, were doing to deal with our situations or how we were coping would get us scolded and accused of being too negative and judgmental. After the last meeting in which family members and spouses of alcoholics were afforded absolutely no opportunity to share, while the alcoholics were mollycoddled, I vowed never to go back.

    • Yes Mary! They want you to embrace the lie that the ‘disease of alcoholism’ is a “family disease” and that you “play a part” in the decisions of your loved one of you ever ask them to change their behavior. You are meant to become “powerless” over the “alcoholic” and allow their shitty behavior.

      You are also meant to attend mind-fuck Alanon meetings for the rest of your life, and find others to bring into the cult.

      Yeah, cult religion designed for old white men to prey upon young, vulnerable women and blame their “character defects” for their behavioral choices.

      Stay away. Stay far away.

  13. I have not read every post in this blog, but I am grateful that it is here. I have been going to Al-Anon meetings for a few months, but the “spiritual” side of it has been tripping me up more and more lately. At first, I found it really helpful because of the talk about how we cannot control anyone else, we can only control ourselves. I have found that to be super helpful. I think it is probably true that people will only stop using booze and other drugs when they themselves decide to stop. What we who live with people in the throws of alcoholism or drug addiction have to do is decide just how close we want to be to that predicament. We are not powerless at all. We can leave. Maybe we can’t change other people, but we don’t have to stick around and watch them destroy themselves, we don’t have to give them money. We don’t even need to give them support unless they ask for it and then we can decide. It is our decision. It was, apparently, founded in 1935 by men, seemingly for men. Whoever founded it, there are probably some changes that should be made now that it is 2019. I also have had problems accepting that alcoholism or other addictions are a simple “disease”. Perhaps a social disease, I don’t know. And I have been finding all the references to God to be very irritating. Especially because God is always referred to as “he” or “him” and also that it seems very Christian without really mentioning Christianity. I don’t like the idea of leaving everything up to God, whatever that might be. I have spent most of my life working on being self reliant. I don’t want God to take care of everything for me even if “he” agreed to this. Reading these comments along with my own feelings that I have been involved in a cult-ish group that seems to be trying to get everyone to think the same has helped me to decide not to go to more Al-Anon meetings.

    • These people do not have a disease at all and you are correct to be suspicious of a cult invented for men, by men to get away with their horrible choices. Your self-reliance and smart insights are the last thing these type of men want from women (or other men questioning their cult mandates). Good for you! You’re absolutely correct- each one of us can and do decide our behaviors and make our choices and we are responsible for those choices. Their is no “disease of addiction” over which we are powerless. That’s a ridiculous excuse whose time is way overdue for the truth. Alanon was in invented to stop the wives from nagging. It’s also well documented that the founder Wilson was a nortorious womanizer and had to have other men follow him around to stop him from sexually assaulting women in the cult. Yep! He was a complete piece of human garbage and these people are praying to him today. It’s insane.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.

    • People running the AA and Al-Anon groups often contradict themselves. They call the 12 steps suggestions but they are not treated as suggestions but requirements to be worked through in order. They will tell family members and partners of alcoholics that they are not responsible for their addiction but once you start attending the meetings they tell you that you have a sickness that makes their addiction worse. They never tell you to leave the alcoholic. Funny that parents of alcoholics are advised to practice ‘tough love’ and evict them from the family home but adult children and wives of alcoholics are never encouraged to leave them.

      • Yeah fancy that. Bill and his predator friends must have someone to co-sign their shitty behavior.

        • Bait and switch is another way to describe it. Al-Anon, ACOA and Alateen were set up to groom the families of alcoholics into accepting their bad behaviour resulting from their own personalities, the substance addiction and/or from being in AA and not to leave them. I’ve heard the same in fundamentalist churches and large para church events. Parents have to show ‘tough love’ towards their children but any child living at home with an alcoholic parents has to stay with them and not only that clean them up and put them to bed when they are so drunk they have collapsed. I would say to any son or daughter of an alcoholic if they are a minor to contact social services and ask to be placed in care and if adult then leave your parents’ house and don’t look back. I only have direct experience of Al-Anon not AA and didn’t like what I saw so walked away.

    • Yet in ancient European pagan religions and Hinduism there are goddesses as well as gods. I was involved with fundamentalist Christianity and can see the similarities with that and 12 step programs because each side borrows from each other. Fundamentalist Christians will claim that the Bible is the only book you need to read/own and that the Holy Spirit will work on you to change you without any help from other people or information. I used to question that even while in fundamentalist churches and saw the very same people saying that not living up to the advice they gave. There are the same parallels with AA. I was told that I only needed Al-Anon and nothing else in my life. Unless you are in a good place it is very difficult to change for the better even if you knew how to. When you are trapped in an abusive situation, are overworked and stressed out or have money worries it is very difficult to become a better person.

  14. I attended one meeting of Al-Anon (as I had an alcoholic boyfriend and AA were doing recruitment drives at every event with stalls) and never again. It was so depressing especially as the meeting was held in the back room of a Quaker building and at the time I had enough experience of cultic techniques in fundamentalist Christian churches to recognise the signs. I didn’t want to spend seven evenings a week listening to other people’s sad stories and that was before I had got onto the 12 steps as my time was precious to me because I had attended mental health conferences when people were doing the same in the break out groups. In fact I would rather watch paint dry or wander the streets in the dark and rain than attend another meeting.

  15. I’ve been at Alanon meetings for three years and none of it makes any sense to me. Why would I have a Sponsor? Why would anyone feel like Alanon does anything constructive for them when they are encouraged to stay in an abusive relationship? What is going on? How is this legal?

    • You do not have to go to these mind fuck meetings Anna. You are correct in your assessment and it should not be legal but we are dealing with the most brilliant cult religion of all time. What is going on is this dangerous cult has brainwashed the entire culture and infected our legal system. It’s infuriating and so wrong but there’s not much we can do other than protect ourselves. Keep your sense of humor and brush them off like the insects they are. Be well and proud of yourself for keeping your power in tact even after three years in this cult religion. I wish there was more to offer but the truth is, it’s a losing battle fighting against this cult. Go. Be free. Laugh at your intelligence and their gaslighting.

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